01 April 2007

It's hit me finally

I expected for this to come earlier. When I moved to Santa Cruz, I felt good for about a month and then, suddenly as if lightening struck me, I felt terrible. I didn't leave my bed in weeks. I didn't talk to many people. I called my parents in histerics wanting to come home.

It hasn't hit me as hard this time. I'm sure that leaving home is the toughest move and every other there after hurts, but only fractionally in comparison...either way, I'm starting to feel very, very lonely. Because of my lonliness, I'm even more afraid to go out alone and I most certainly don't want to go out with Toño's friend's where I'll just be ridiculed behind my back and judged once I leave.

The only friends I have are Toño's brother and sister,
Paco Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

and Jimena Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

I wish I knew of some groups that I could join or something that I could do...I guess I'll just start wandering aound the city, feigning confidence in hope that someone invites me to something cool they are interested in.

3 comments:

grampa said...

Hi, There are always moments of great loneliness. There's nothing I can tell you that will make the moment easier. It will pass. Just as the good times pass, the bad will too. Living in a different culture is very very hard, as the novelty has worn off. I hope it is worth it. We love you, Grampa

Miriam said...

It took me a good 6 months or so before I readjusted back to Oxnard. But in time, I either made new friends from work or reconnected with old ones. Give it some time...

Love you!

dan pham said...

haha i love paco's emo pose with teh sippy cup. thats x-hardcore-x. why are tono's bro friends talkin shit behind ur back; thats whack u should break the silence like james baldwin and pwn them in the face with a rap battle and wow im sleepy ima sleep gnite.